Abusers often hide their behavior behind excuses, charm, or manipulation. But the truth is, abuse is about power and control. If you or someone you know is in a relationship and recognizes these warning signs, know you’re not alone. The more of these behaviors you see, the more serious and potentially dangerous the situation may be.
Name-calling, mocking, accusing, blaming, yelling, swearing, making humiliating remarks or gestures.
Rushing you to make decisions by “guilt-tripping” and other forms of intimidation, sulking, threatening to withhold money, manipulating children, telling you what to do.
Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are “the truth”), telling you what to do, making decisions, using “logic.”
Interrupting, changing topics, not listening or responding, twisting your words, putting you down in front of other people, saying bad things about your friends or family.
Lying, withholding information, cheating on you, being overly jealous.
Not following through on agreements, not taking a fair share of responsibility, refusing to help with child care or housework.
Not expressing feelings, not giving support, attention or compliments, not respecting feelings, rights or opinions.
Making light of behavior and not taking it seriously, saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you caused it.
Interfering with your work or not letting you work, refusing to give you or taking your money, taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social-service agencies.
Abusing drugs or alcohol, threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm, deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss.)
Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.
Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked.
Making angry or threatening gestures, use of physical size to intimidate, standing in the doorway during arguments, out-shouting you, driving recklessly.
Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture), punching walls, throwing and/or breaking things.
Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you, threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.
Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others, slapping, punching, grabbing, kicking, choking; pushing, biting, burning, stabbing, shooting, etc.
Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation, using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.